Perhaps the most important day of my life happened this week, my daughter was born. My daughter, just saying that is still so surreal. Claire Rose Sollinger was born April 25, 2019. Both her and Mel are recovering amazingly. I had no doubt, Claire clearly gets her toughness and constitution from her mother. I knew this day was coming, but it seemed to come out of nowhere. In the beginning you think that it is so far away and then one day, boom! Time has passed by and here we are!
This is what not looking too far into the future and being purely immersed, enjoying, experiencing what you are doing right now, for the right reasons, is all about. It is nice to look ahead, but keep in mind, that future will only come to fruition if you are in the here and now. No ego, no expectation, just doing your best in a day and what you can't get done today is for tomorrow, but enjoy the tasks of today.
There has been, or will be a massive shift in my perspective of the world. I say 'or will' because I'm not quite sure if it has sunken in completely yet. Why I practice martial arts, or anything for that matter, is different now. It is not just about me and my accomplishments for myself. It is about my accomplishments for my family. I have the responsibility to set an example and adhere to the principles I hold important for my daughter. (Yup, still feels weird.)
My motivation has new life, I truly feel I am grading for the right reasons now.
Sunday, 28 April 2019
Sunday, 21 April 2019
Ego
This will be an indirect continuation of last weeks post. I thought about how much I thought I knew and just how pleased it made me feel about myself. How ego driven my journey through kung fu has been. A good deal of my time has been an exercise in proving what I can do and how I can excel to those around me. It is one thing to have confidence in one self, but if the motivation to do better is only to climb the mountain just because you can, then there is no substance to the accomplishment.
When you are doing a form with the intent of looking good at it, you are missing the point and in fact not looking good to those who can recognize pure intent over the surface illusion of skill. This approach is in fact counter productive because when you look back at what you have done, you are disappointed because you know you could have done so much better if you simply kept your mind on what you were doing, not how you appeared.
Perhaps I am judging myself too hard. The original motivation for increasing my skill and knowledge may have been my own personal mission to prove how great I can be, but over time it has changed. The question of how much it changed is still in my mind. Sometimes I feel I have made great strides in my approach, creating a more selfless and focused path. Then I reflect on where my mind was the past week and see that I only thought of how I could do better for me, rather than what I can do to influence those around me. How I let my ego poison my perspective of how well I grasp the concepts I am learning.
Even writing this I have a sense of ego, hoping this post is good enough for those reading it. Does it make sense, or am I just shoving words together in another attempt to make myself look good to those around me?
How do you analyze how well you are doing without letting ego into the picture? How do you recognize when you need to improve without looking to the past or future? It must be quite the balancing act, one in which I am still figuring out.
When you are doing a form with the intent of looking good at it, you are missing the point and in fact not looking good to those who can recognize pure intent over the surface illusion of skill. This approach is in fact counter productive because when you look back at what you have done, you are disappointed because you know you could have done so much better if you simply kept your mind on what you were doing, not how you appeared.
Perhaps I am judging myself too hard. The original motivation for increasing my skill and knowledge may have been my own personal mission to prove how great I can be, but over time it has changed. The question of how much it changed is still in my mind. Sometimes I feel I have made great strides in my approach, creating a more selfless and focused path. Then I reflect on where my mind was the past week and see that I only thought of how I could do better for me, rather than what I can do to influence those around me. How I let my ego poison my perspective of how well I grasp the concepts I am learning.
Even writing this I have a sense of ego, hoping this post is good enough for those reading it. Does it make sense, or am I just shoving words together in another attempt to make myself look good to those around me?
How do you analyze how well you are doing without letting ego into the picture? How do you recognize when you need to improve without looking to the past or future? It must be quite the balancing act, one in which I am still figuring out.
Sunday, 14 April 2019
Spaghetti
Words and concepts get thrown at you like spaghetti to a wall. Sometimes it sticks to the wall, but sometimes it takes a long time for anything to. Sometimes even the spaghetti already on the wall gets knocked off by more spaghetti and you need to relearn what have previously.
This week we were explained concepts that I thought I had a good grasp on, only to find out I just scratched the surface. As exciting as this is, it is a little discouraging. I thought I knew what I was doing, but honestly never really had to think about how I am doing what I am doing. This is the double edged sword of being naturally adept at some things. I am going through everything I know and analyzing every minute part, to come up with some sort of rationality to why I move the way I do in my kung fu, what the logic is.
This will be a long process, but is that not what preparing for grading is for? To analyze what you know, what kind of martial artist you are?
This week we were explained concepts that I thought I had a good grasp on, only to find out I just scratched the surface. As exciting as this is, it is a little discouraging. I thought I knew what I was doing, but honestly never really had to think about how I am doing what I am doing. This is the double edged sword of being naturally adept at some things. I am going through everything I know and analyzing every minute part, to come up with some sort of rationality to why I move the way I do in my kung fu, what the logic is.
This will be a long process, but is that not what preparing for grading is for? To analyze what you know, what kind of martial artist you are?
Sunday, 7 April 2019
Contact
Staying in the moment is very important, but does it get to the point where you are too immersed in the moment? One of my downfalls is keeping in contact with people. I don't necessarily burn bridges, but let them slowly fall into disrepair. This is not done mindfully, I just get so wrapped up in what I am doing that the time goes by without talking.
I accept this as who I am, but still want to make an effort to improve this, especially being that we will live in another province in a couple years or so. I don't wish to lose the friendships I have developed over the past few years in kung fu. Not to mention my relationship with my family.
So my question is, how do you do it? I could start off slow, the odd email or text message to just let my friends know I am still alive. Taking that first step after a long time is scary for some reason. How will the people I haven't maintained contact with react? I could justify it by thinking that they also have not reached out to me, but that is the easy way out.
I will figure it out eventually. This is not something I want to stress over as stress will only make it worse. I just need to take that first baby step.
I accept this as who I am, but still want to make an effort to improve this, especially being that we will live in another province in a couple years or so. I don't wish to lose the friendships I have developed over the past few years in kung fu. Not to mention my relationship with my family.
So my question is, how do you do it? I could start off slow, the odd email or text message to just let my friends know I am still alive. Taking that first step after a long time is scary for some reason. How will the people I haven't maintained contact with react? I could justify it by thinking that they also have not reached out to me, but that is the easy way out.
I will figure it out eventually. This is not something I want to stress over as stress will only make it worse. I just need to take that first baby step.
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