Guilt

Guilt it's a powerful emotion. An emotion that can alter your perception of the world around you. An emotion that is kicking my butt right now. I've been able to keep it at bay for the most part, but I feel like a volcano building pressure. I figured I should post this before it turns into something it's not.

I know that logically I shouldn't feel guilt, I have no reason to feel it. I'm simply experiencing another wave of life coming up to slap me in the face with a multitude of things to do all at once and I don't know what to do first. I'm feeling guilty because I'm overwhelmed by all that I need to do right now and yet I know it's nothing compared to what others have to deal with. Perhaps it will help if I make a list, so I will here instead of some place else where I may or may not look at it again:

- Setting up utilities

- Going in to pay for my appliances

- Final details are being sorted out with the Argentina trip.

- Getting my bike fixed again (It developed a leak after I got it back from the shop.)

- Finish outfitting by bike

- Get all my travel meds completed

- Setting up and organizing the Reno week

Like I said, the list is not that big, but all of it is very important. I guess the big thing is I feel I should be able to do more. Maybe I should heed my words from a previous blog and just relax, regroup and take it one step at a time. I need to rid myself of this darn stubborn pride I have, accept what I can and cannot do and be happy with it. Pride is not the opposite of shame, it is its source.

Obviously I don't want to just give up and settle. Heck no, but I can't keep beating myself up over things I cannot control. Pick yourself up kid, you're doing well. Stop being such a pessimist.

Just writing this helped me gain some perspective. I feel better about what I'm doing. This is definitely another great benefit of journalling. Thanks team.

See you on the mats