Solitude

Well, my time in Fox Creek is coming to an end. The season is over and we are closing up here. I am thrilled to be returning for good. Time to catch up and get back on track! We have the most important part of our year coming up, Chinese New Year, and I intend to be ready and able to assist with anything and everything I can.

My time here has served me better than I had originally intended. The work here is fairly straight forward and rudimentary so there is not really any reason to speak to other workers. This being the case, I have spent most of almost 3 months here by myself. Alone to stew in my own self-talk. Some good, some bad. I spent some time wondering how one gets into a spot such as this; being absent from from everything that defines who I am, just to afford to live. Hearing about life back home unfolding both positively and negatively with no way of helping or contributing in any way other than commenting. I spent much of my time wishing I could do more.

I eventually started realizing, (and perhaps I knew this already in some way) that no matter how I feel and how much I wish, some things are out of my control. Many things are out of my control in fact. I can’t be home with family or at kwoon training the because I am here, I am here because I was lucky enough to get a job in this crazy economic time. So that is what matters, what is directly in front of me is all that exists. My home, it doesn’t exist. My family, doesn’t exist. The kwoon, you guessed it, does not exist. My shovel, the dirt around me and the sky are all that exist when I am working. If I think of anything else, my thoughts instantly go back to home and I begin worrying about what is transpiring and how much I want to be involved.

Let the pieces fall where they may, concern yourself only with what you can do and be happy with it. If not, your outlook on life will always seem negative.

I feel extremely lucky to have experienced this time of solitude. It really cleaned out a lot of mental garbage. I am excited to come back, more wise than I was when I left.

Take care everyone!